The Phoenix's Order
by Po Lazarus
Summary: Your typical fifth year fic . . . or is it? Yes, it is. A beautiful story of love, loss, and Harry's new makeover. Rated PG for rude language, future slash, and nonsensical humer.


**Summery**: The tale of a year at Hogwarts when everything went crazy.  Harry comes back from summer break with a whole new look, astounding his teachers and peers, but is he ready to take on Voldemort? Maybe a little help from his friends will get him through. A parody of your typical fifth year fic. This is my first fic so *author blushes* be gentle.  
  
Please excuse all the Americanisms, JK's British vocabulary frightens me.  
  
**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter lives in my head. He tells me to do things (KILL, KILL). However, I do not intend to make profits from this fic, it is merely in homage to all the wonderful fifth year fics I have had the pleasure to read on FF.net.  
  
Read all Those who be Brave of Heart . . . or at least strong of heart.  
  
**-Beware-.**  
  
*****(many unnecessary asterisks)**********************************************  
  
Teaser: **Deja Vu**  
  
*****(and now for the plot . . . or lack thereof) *************************************

  
  
"Boy, wake up, it's nearly breakfast." Aunt Petunia's shrill voice filled the cupboard, making Harry long desperately for his wand, or at least some earmuffs.  
  
Dudley, everyone's favorite pig-in-a-wig, had received a lovely new telly for his birthday. The telly was so large that it needed a whole wall to hang on, and for lack of space the Dursleys had had to move Harry back into the cupboard under the stairs.  To compensate for the room change the Dursleys had generously gifted Harry with a lovely paper clip for his fifteenth birthday, however, Harry questioned its use for clipping scrolls.  
  
Harry's moving back to the cupboard might also have been related to the fact that after Harry's growth spurt to a hunky 6' 11", Dudley had a newfound fear of the burning hunk of  . . . something or other that was Harry Potter.  
  
"Boy, what are you trying to do, starve your _loving family to death, GET UP!" came Petunia's voice again, startling Harry from his thoughts.   
  
  
  
_

Ever since the Dursleys had discovered that Harry was an underage wizard, and therefore could not use magic outside of his wizarding school, they had worked him like there was no tomorrow.  Harry had developed a muscular yet lean figure.  His aunt and uncle had finally given up on trying to make his hair look presentable, and a result of that Harry not had chin length locks.  He looked, much to his chagrin, like a slightly scrawny (and of course younger) Professor Snape.  
  
As he cooked the bacon Harry idly wondered what his friends were doing now, and how they would react to his new appearance, since over the summer he had received very little mail from them. In fact, Harry had received none.   
  
"Alright boy." Petunia stated as she came up behind Harry to inspect the bacon. "Back into your cupboard, Uncle Dursley has a very important business brunch which you are expected not to interrupt, do you understand me? No repeat of last year's incident or it's to an orphanage for you."  
  
"Really?" Harry questioned. "Because I don't mind the orphanage idea."  
  
"Stop sassing me boy. You think that just because of your little growth spurt you can boss ME around? Think again." Aunt Petunia snapped her fingers as she said this, valley girl style.  
  
"Er, Alright then." Harry consented, hoping that the break in chores would result in him spending some quality time with his potions homework.  Although Harry disliked his Potions teacher, Professor Snape, Harry had grown mysteriously adept at potions over the summer.  Harry hoped that when he returned to Hogwarts next week he would do well in the class, instead of just weaseling by.  
  
Harry was forcedly moved back into his cupboard by a nervous Aunt Petunia who was muttering to herself about rude freaks living under her stairs.  

Though it was quit dark in his cupboard, Harry could make out the outline of, "Dobby?!".  
  
"Dobby . . . what are you doing here, I thought you worked at Hogwarts now." Harry mused.  
  
"Yes, but Dobby has come to warn Harry Potter sir, because Dobby is caring very much what happens to Harry Potter after he set Dobby** free.  **

Dobby had stressed this syllable, causing Harry to grow immensely nervous.  After all, elves were subservient, demure creatures, right?    
  
Dobby frolicked around Harry's cupboard, quite a hard task considering the lack of light.  
  
"Er . . . what was it you wanted to warn me about Dobby?" Harry questioned gently.  
  
"Oh, right. (Long pause) **Harry Potter mustn't go back to Hogwarts**."  Dobby stated in a melodramatic tone.  
  
"Dobby, I thought you promised me that you wouldn't go about trying to save my life again Dobby."  "**Hey . . . (Harry came to a startling revelation) you haven't seen any of my letters have you Dobby?  
  
*A rather long silence ensued*  
  
"Dobby?" Harry seethed.  
  
"Hehehehehe." **

"**Dobby!?"**

Harry Potter fell for it. AGAIN!" * Rabid giggling on the part of Dobby*  
  
"What the bloody hell is going on?" asked Harry in an incredulous voice.  
  
   
  
****************************************************************  
  
 To be continued . . . if you review.  
  
If you don't I will trace your e-mail, stalk you, and ensure that you die a very painful death (The Harry in my head is telling me to KILL, KILL those who don't review.  
  
So, clicki clicki.


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